Elric is a Scrooge of Sorts
by Twister the Cat
Summary: A tragic tale of Ed's loss of love for Christmas.Rated for some language.


First, I would like to say that this is EdxWin and Alx?. The story has very little to do with that at all, but you might care.

Second, this is a drabbly story that is slightly out of character and takes place somewhere in the future.

Third, I realize that Christmas does not actually occur in Amestris. If you like, you can pretend it is some sort of Amestrian holiday that takes place in the winter.

Fourth, I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist.

Fifth, comments are appreciated.

Edward Elric is a Scrooge of Sorts

Two days until Christmas vacation, and the 'office' was abuzz. The world was filled with Christmas lights and beautiful trees and decorations. Everyone was ecstatic, that is, with the exception of Edward Elric.

Like the Special Operations team he was in charge of, Commander Elric was a remnant of the Glory Days of Fuhrer Mustang. The grumpy old man was the Fullmetal Alchemist, and widely rumored to be one of the best there ever was. Rumors even flew that at 62, he had taken out twenty trained men on a dare.

Well, not rumors, the newbie mused. There were pictures to prove it.

Now, however, he was simply doing paperwork, lacking the excitement that vacations bring. There were theories on this, numerous theories. He was the creator of the most popular one: he was just a grumpy old bastard.

"Something on your mind, Sergeant Kensington?"

Feeling a chill run up his spine, he turned to the old man. "N-nothing sir! REALLY!"

"… You do realize that it is alchemically impossible to lie to me, correct?"

The elder had a smug grin so firmly implanted on his face that one was suddenly encouraged to give up.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

"Excuse me?"

"You HATE Christmas! WHY? IT'S COMPLETELY ILLOGICAL!!! IT'S CHRISTMAS!!!"

Everyone was watching now. God, he hated working here.

"Well," he muttered, amused, "it isn't really illogical. Let me sum up for you: I will be spending two weeks cramped inside a tiny house inside a tiny town with my three daughters, seven nephews and nieces, two grandchildren, my nieces' and nephews' twelve children, their respective spouses, and my brother and his wife.

"Now, while it is the Christmas season and the time for families and such… My oldest daughter, Trisha, who is an actress, will spend the entire time insisting I retire for the sake of my wellbeing, and the twins, Nina and Pinny, will team up and claim it has to do with the death of my wife because I have to have something to pull me from my grief. Then, my brother will join the twins in insisting, and will tell some sappy story that never really happened about how much we love each other."

Before anyone could speak, he continued.

"At that point, I might be rescued by various children begging to hear about one of my adventures. This is probably the happiest point of the entire period. However, one will undoubtedly ask something like, 'Granddad, since you're such a good al-chemist and all, why didn't you bring Granny back?'

"Then, trying to avert some tragedy that wouldn't have happened anyway, Nina will intervene (she and her sister are mechanics and take after their mom). Trisha will take me into another room and bitch about how I shouldn't be telling them these stories anyway, but before anything bad can happen Alphonse will come and say something nostalgic that will make her burst into tears, thinking of her mother.

"Since I am her father, it's my job to console her, ironically, because she was supposedly consoling me. This isn't to say I don't love my daughter, but she's a pain in the ass."

He stopped for a moment, while the entire room was watching him from their desks.

"Now, sometimes Pinny will come and nag Trisha about leaving me alone. Pinny is probably the smartest of the three of them, mostly because she can actually tell the difference between grief and constant annoyance. I can usually escape outside and begin some sort of snow war between the children, playing commander for whoever claimed me first. Someone normally tries to get Alphonse in on the game, but instead he goes on about pacifism.

"In the midst of a heated battle, Trisha will recover and drag me back inside, damned girl, and tell me I can't stay out too long or I'll catch cold. Now, depending on my mood, I might say something along the lines of, 'Your mother wasn't half as naggy as you.' Which is true, I might add, and then she'll yell something about mom being dead and run away.

"We then resume war because the children will agree with me and team up against their parents so I can come out and play. Whichever side has me in command is guaranteed to win, so at some point it becomes a free for all with small allying groups. Pinny and Nina might come out and join us, along with a few of my nephews, but the rest will side with Trisha.

"Dinner is an interesting affair, because Trisha will still be fuming and making rude comments about the military. Normally, Thomas, one of Al's kids, will speak up and make a political statement, to which some will agree and some will disagree, and then everyone will look at me, as though I should have something to say.

"This 'something' is usually the alchemic formula for basic transmutations. I might repeat it a few times and say something about how it could saves your life some day. Trisha's son, Richard, will ask if I could teach him alchemy, but Trisha, still being bitchy, will object and insist that alchemy is too dangerous for a young boy.

"Before I can reply, Pinny will talk about the new design for the aeroplane she's been working on (she and Nina invented them, you know), and I will say something intelligent in return. Trisha, trying to outdo Pinny and Nina, will talk about the new movie she starred in, or some play or another. Timothy, one of Al's, will accuse her of acting in something with racist overtones, and will somehow have reasonable proof of this.

"From then…"

Looking around the room, he seemed to notice how intently he was being watched.

"It's been like this for four years now. You see why I don't look forward to Christmas?"

El Fin


End file.
